Sunday 5 June 2016

Saturday, June 4, 2016 - Changes

Condiment of unknown origin and age
11:40 PM - Standing at the kitchen counter, swiping reheated dumplings through unknown sauce from an ancient bag in the crisper; eating with my fingers: ME!
Emptying hooks, walls and cupboards - my home, becoming a house
Outside, my special rocks, stepping stones, five hellebores and ten plants of my choosing have been removed from the garden; they will be orphans until I once again have a place of my own. Inside, boxes are being filled with happy, hopeful, useful things that helped make this house a home.
Gifts on my doorstep
I've been told I'm rigid, resistant to change, but this is not the case - just look at me eating without a fork! I am simply slow to change. But with each box packed my home gradually becomes just a house - and that is making it... slowly... easier to leave. 

Changes are coming - big and small - and I'm starting to feel excitement: it's up to me now, whatever I want to do - even drink my milk straight from the carton!

I still don't know where I'm going, but I've got seven more weeks to get there, and though I'm on my own, I don't have to do it alone. With the help of good people sending me best wishes, rental listings and boxes, it will all get sorted out. 

Dumplings finished, then pasta, an orange, some trail mix and milk (from a cup); packing boxes has left me famished. For the first time in ten months I am hungry - a very good sign.

Another good sign - Photo: Tammy Delaney


  1. Wish I was there. To eat dumplings, drink chai, pack, apartment hunt. I am there in spirit, with so much love it might just knock you over. Being single, I've been eating dumplings with my fingers for years. Soon you will start having popcorn for dinner too. xo

  2. Popcorn! That's exactly what I was planning on tonight - until I spied the half-eaten chicken shawarma still on the counter from lunch.

    Aw, Leslie, I wish you were here, too, sitting on this blanket in the back yard, under this beautiful maple tree (mine no longer...), picking parsley out of our teeth and listening to the traffic rumble by at the corner.

    I'm thinking of you, birthday parties, the kids on the swing set. Your Little Tykes wagon: I still have it. It is battered and sloshes with water that won't come out, but it's been a most useful little wagon. OK if I give it away?

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  4. [reposted]
    Dear Leah, how can I tell you how sorry I am to read this??? I know it's been a long time since we've been in touch, but I do think of you from time to time - I remember the e-mail telling me you'd become a mummy for the first time, and the one telling me you'd given your new daughter such a beautiful name.

    You've always been a strong one (you survived a whole year of Chetwynd, remember?); you're going through this with grace and humour, those are your hallmarks. Not at all surprised to see you've found multiple creative ways to express yourself. Hope you'll stay in touch. Lorraine

    1. Thank you, Lorraine. It's good good to hear from you and to read your kind words.

      There's sure nothing like crisis for inspiring creativity!!

      I hope you are well.